• Stuart Sheldon

Bacon Is the New Black


My alter ego is bacon. I don’t even know what that means. I only know that it’s true.

Bacon is like sex or surfing or a foot massage. Even when it’s bad it’s good.

I love it so much I wore the suit above three nights in a row last week:

  1. to an Arcade Fire concert where guests were asked to come in costume.

  2. to a neighborhood Halloween party.

  3. to a highfalutin art show where I was the only person in costume.

Here is what I learned.

People love a guy in a bacon suit. 

Think about it … Two people you’ve never met approach you at a party. One is in normal street clothes and the other in a bacon suit. Who do you want to talk to? I don’t care if you’re a too-cool-for-school art patron, a soccer mom down the block or even Arcade Fire themselves. The guy in the bacon suit makes you smile.

The dessert menu at dinner 2 nights ago


Bacon makes it better.

And by it I mean EVERYTHING: ice-cream, bourbon, clothing, bandaids, chocolate, popcorn, cupcakes, lip balm (that’s right, it exists). It is the flavor, texture and aesthetic du jour.


You could put a cup full of broken glass in front of me, and as long as you sprinkled a healthy scoop of bacon bits on top, I’d eat the hell out of it and smile as I wiped my bloody lips on my bacon scarf.

Arcade Fire


We shot the breeze backstage with Arcade Fire after the show (thanks Fedo & Edwidge), where Jodi chided me for munching kiwi slices off their fat VIP spread. As we turned to leave, the guitarist (on the far right) said, “You guys had the BEST costumes tonight!” Not trying to toot our horns here, but that’s straight out of the mouth of Grammy-winning rockstars. It’s the bacon, baby!

Alter Ego, acrylic on paper on canvas, 40″x30″, 2007, Stuart Sheldon


I know not everyone shares my enthusiasm. From Samuel Jackson’s Pulp Fiction “the pig is a filthy animal” rant to calorie counters everywhere, bacon can get a bum rap. But I remain unswayed. And I’m absolutely convinced that the whole non-kosher thing is a typo in the bible. What benevolent God could possibly deny his people the single best food that exists? Dude clearly never ate a bacon-wrapped date. Might as well make hugs illegal while you’re at it, big guy.

Yes, that is a special bacon-patterned bacon platter I’m holding (thanks Julie!)


Lastly, to my higher consciousness vegetarian friends, I love you and respect your discipline and gentleness. But the way I see it …

If God had not meant us to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them out of meat.

So, now you know. The quickest way to this man’s heart is through his belly, make that his pork belly.

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©2020 Stuart Sheldon.